Anticipation

As I sit in my apartment tonight, I feel unsettled. Not physically so. When you look around our apartment, it is actually really cute and homey, and I feel completely comfortable in it. When I say unsettled, I mean as far as my heart goes. Tonight, I spent about 2 1/2 hours listening to one of my good friends up here talk about her recent trip to El Salvador, and I couldn't help but feel jealous, and it sparked all kinds of emotions and thoughts within me. Yes, I know God desires for me to be here in Chico in this time of my life, but I also can't help but feel that He desires so much more for me than this normal life. I have spent my whole life dreaming of the crazy and exciting things I want to do for Him, but now when I am at the age where I could realistically be doing them, I am choosing not to. The whole idea of being here in Chico for years to come, or even in California for that matter, scares me. I don't want to settle down in one area and be complacent with it. I want to move and see the world, experience new places and adventures, and come to rely fully on Christ. It is so easy for me to get used to my routine, and stay where I am in both my relationships with other people, and in my relationship with God. I lose my drive and energy, and life becomes unappealing. Already, I feel as if Chico has lost a but if its appeal to me, just because it isn't new and different anymore. I feel as if I am limiting myself, and God, by staying here and not branching out. Although I am going to stay in Chico another three semesters, God willing, I know I need to continue to take steps for God. I need to reach out and deepen relationships with those around me, and make a conscious effort to keep my relationship with Christ alive and growing as well. This past week, I have felt so comfortable just going through daily life, having casual conversations with friends, skimming my Bible, and praying occasionally. That is definitely not a pattern I wish to continue. God desires so much more for me, and all I need to do is find the passion within myself that is so easily lost. It is still there, beneath the surface, waiting to be awakened once again, though the Holy Spirit living in me. I pray tonight that God would mold and teach me how to be fully awake through Him.