Restoring the Old Testament

For as long as I can remember, I have enjoyed reading the New Testament. I feel like it can be applied so easily to my life, and I can gather so much wisdom and knowledge for my daily life from its pages. The Old Testament, however, is like another book altogether. Every time I attempt to read it, I am lost and confused, and unsure of how it can be applicable to my life. The other day, though, I started to read Numbers, because for the past few months I have been convicted to start reading the Old Testament once again. I read through Genesis, and I was amazed at how much I learned! I had heard the stories of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Joseph countless times, but reading about all the details was much more insightful and helpful. Then, I decided to begin reading Numbers with a friend of mine, and as we were reading it, I was amazed at the details inside of its chapters. We read chapters 1 and 2, which were about the 12 tribes of Israel. I had never really thought about or studied the tribes before, but as I was reading about them, and taking in the details written, I was overcome with awe and amazement. A picture so clear came into my head that I was overwhelmed by the details of it. In Numbers, it says that the 12 tribes of Israel were camped next to Mt. Sinai after they were delivered from Egypt. They totaled 603,550 men over the age of 20. That is only men, not including children or women, or men who did not fight in the wars. For some reason, whenever I had thought about this story, I had pictured 23 tribes of about 50 to 100 people each, all camped out near each other. I never grasped the concept of that large of a group gathered together, being led through the desert by God and having the Ten Commandments delivered to them by Moses. No wonder God divided them into 12 different tribes! A group of that size would have been impossible to manage in one group. After reading these chapters, I began to think about all the other amazing stories in the Bible, and they became even more unbelievable before my eyes. I pictured millions of people being led out of Egypt, which would have later become these 12 tribes. I pictured the magnificent Ark after Noah had built it to fit 2 of each animal on the entire earth. Just because these events happened in Biblical times does not mean that the groups of people involved were small and insignificant. God was performing miracles, and He wanted as many people as possible to see them and come to believe in Him. I am so thankful that God gave me this amazing picture, and helped make the Old Testament real to me once again.

The New Covenant of Christ

This morning, I was reading chapter 8 of Hebrews, and it is an amazing chapter! In it, God describes the old and new covenants He made with His people. I had never really understood how different they were, until now. The old covenant was a list of rules and regulations used to guide the people of Israel, and to instruct them in how God wanted them to behave. The new covenant is an internal one, where God places the Holy Spirit inside of us, and it guides us to do what God desires for us to do. In reading this, I discovered several prominent changes between the old and new covenants. In the old covenant, for example, sacrifices were made by the people for their sins. Now, however, Christ sacrificed Himself so that we no longer have to sacrifice. The old covenant also focused on a physical building as the main holy place to enter into the presence of God, but now Christ reigns in each of our hearts. External standards and rules were the foundation of the old covenant, but in the new covenant, internal standards, and a new heart are what guides us. Forgiveness was earned in the old covenant, ad now it is given freely through Christ. Also, in the old covenant, only some were allowed to enter, strictly those who were not Gentiles. But now, God allows anyone and everyone to enter into His Kingdom. The change that sticks out the most to me, however, is the access to God that is available to us. In the old covenant, only the high priests were allowed to communicate with God, and even then it had to be in a very specific way. Now, we are all allowed to communicate with Christ, anywhere and anytime. How amazing is that!

After reading this chapter, I was struck by how thankful and blessed I am to be living in the time of the new covenant. I get to choose whether or not to accept Christ, and follow Him, and when I do, I a blessed with the Holy Spirit in return! What an incredible gift God grants to us. I think about all the people I have read about in the Old Testament, and I am mystified by how they serve and follow the Lord. I am always incredulous that they do not believe in God, time and time again, even though miracles are occuring all around them! It seems like a no brainer to me when, for example, a cloud is leading you by day out of Egypt, and a flame by night, that it is God, but the Israelites continued to falter. As I think more deeply about it, however, I realize that they did not have the Holy Spirit in them, telling them that it truly was God. I didn't realize how amazing the Holy Spirit really is until now. Without it, believing in Christ and His death and resurrection would simply be another theory that is thrown around, and people would search for the truth based on facts, and not faith. I am thankful that I do not have to search any longer, and that God has granted me the Holy Spirit through the new covenant He has made with all of His creations. He has truly written His laws in my mind and on my heart. If you are wondering what is so amazing about Christ's covenant, check it out in Hebrews 8: 7-12, and also in Jeremiah 31:31-34. Have a blessed day!

Contentment

I discovered today there is a difference between being content and being complacent. God tells us over and over again not to be complacent, or stuck in where we are. He wants us to branch out and find new things, try new things, and take chances for His sake. But, I think He also wants us to be content with where He has us currently in our lives. That is definitely something I struggle with often, and today I feel frusturated by it. For example, when I was home with my family, I wanted to be in Chico, and now that I've been in Chico for a little while, I want to be back home again. I feel like I should be able to be content and happy wherever God places me, but it is much harder for me to do than I imagined it would be. I feel like I am always seeking and searching for what I don't have, and I am sick of it. I want God to be in control of my life completely, and I want to feel full confidence in what He is doing in my life.
Relationship wise, for example, I have always been a bit challenged. When I begin to have feelings for someone, I get excited and want to spend time with them get to know them, and have me like them back. But as soon as I feel that they do in fact feel the same way, my feelings change, and it is no longer a chase, or a challenge. Up until recently, that had happened several times for me, but now I see the opposite way as well. If someone I like shows interest, and then begins to show a lack of interest once again, then I am once again intrigued and challenged. I don't think this is the way God wanted relationships to be, and I have been praying earnestly that He would change my views of this, and help me to be able to realize a healthy relationship when one comes my way.
I know this process of being content with what God has blessed me with, but still keeping myself from becoming complacent in my faith will be a process that takes time. God is faithful, however, and I am sure that He will guide me and help me find a perfect balance in this area, as in all others in my life. Until then, I pray I would not ruin relationships or anything else along the way!

Anticipation

As I sit in my apartment tonight, I feel unsettled. Not physically so. When you look around our apartment, it is actually really cute and homey, and I feel completely comfortable in it. When I say unsettled, I mean as far as my heart goes. Tonight, I spent about 2 1/2 hours listening to one of my good friends up here talk about her recent trip to El Salvador, and I couldn't help but feel jealous, and it sparked all kinds of emotions and thoughts within me. Yes, I know God desires for me to be here in Chico in this time of my life, but I also can't help but feel that He desires so much more for me than this normal life. I have spent my whole life dreaming of the crazy and exciting things I want to do for Him, but now when I am at the age where I could realistically be doing them, I am choosing not to. The whole idea of being here in Chico for years to come, or even in California for that matter, scares me. I don't want to settle down in one area and be complacent with it. I want to move and see the world, experience new places and adventures, and come to rely fully on Christ. It is so easy for me to get used to my routine, and stay where I am in both my relationships with other people, and in my relationship with God. I lose my drive and energy, and life becomes unappealing. Already, I feel as if Chico has lost a but if its appeal to me, just because it isn't new and different anymore. I feel as if I am limiting myself, and God, by staying here and not branching out. Although I am going to stay in Chico another three semesters, God willing, I know I need to continue to take steps for God. I need to reach out and deepen relationships with those around me, and make a conscious effort to keep my relationship with Christ alive and growing as well. This past week, I have felt so comfortable just going through daily life, having casual conversations with friends, skimming my Bible, and praying occasionally. That is definitely not a pattern I wish to continue. God desires so much more for me, and all I need to do is find the passion within myself that is so easily lost. It is still there, beneath the surface, waiting to be awakened once again, though the Holy Spirit living in me. I pray tonight that God would mold and teach me how to be fully awake through Him.

Beautiful Day

Today definitely was a beautiful day. Some friends and I decided to go to Bear Hole in upper Bidwell park for part of the afternoon, and it was amazing. Not only was there a surplus of rocks to jump off of into the creek, we also ended up having a Bible study and prayer session. Being outdoors in God's creations, reading His Word and praying for my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ was an amazing feeling. God definitely is stirring up new desires in me to make the most of every opportunity that presents itself to me. God wants us to do all for His glory, and today I feel like I did. It could have just been a fun time to hang out with my friends at the creek, go swimming and talk about nothing in particular, but instead, we turned it into a time that strengthened all of us, both in our relationships with Christ and with each other. This is a very unique time in our lives when we have time to do things like this, and time to sit around and talk abut God. When I thought about college, I always pictured people sitting around having great philosophical discussions, but now that I am submerged in a college atmosphere, I want to look back and say I had amazing spiritual discussions with people close to me, and also that I shared my faith with those around me. God does not call us only to have meaningless and comfortable friendships with those around us, but to truly know the heart of our friends, their struggles and joys, problems and triumphs, and be able to pray and read the Bible with them through eery circumstance. This is truly what I want for the upcoming year. I want my friends to know they can turn to me with any problem that arises, and I will be there. God has called us to be brothers and sisters in Christ, and I think of that as a duty to one another, to grow and to love. I pray God will continue to fill me with these desires, and that I will be able to pass them on to others. For now, I pray I will have many days like today, where an ordinary day can turn into a beautiful day :0)

Chico!

(Written 8-6-08)
I have now arrived in Chico, and I am settling into my apartment! It is only Amy and I up here right now, but we are having a great time introducing her to my friends and hanging out. This new step in independence is new and exciting, and also fun so far. Tonight, we had some girls from CRU over for dinner, which was great, and definitely made us feel grown up. Having my own apartment and paying for everything on my own and managing my own money, definitely makes me feel so much more appreciative of all my parents have done, and continue to do for me. Just being here since Sunday, I have been amazed at how muh work it is! i can't even imagine not having the amazing support system growing up that I had. God blessed me with examples of godly parents and leaders of our house, and I am beginning to see how that will come into play in my future. I can't even begin to fathom what having my own family would be like, but I know God is using this time in my life to prepare me for whatever the road He has chosen for me is to come. Somedays, I feel as if I could run a household on my own, and have children soon, if God willed it, but then other days, I feel as if God is telling me to wait, and I feel I have so much to do before that time comes. Since coming to Chico again, my thoughts have wandered often to romantic aspects and wishes, and I can feel my girlish desires overtaking my usual peace and patience. If I think abut it logically, I know I am competent in being by myself, and I am usually trusting that God has an ultimate plan for my life. Other days, however, things as simple as a couple together, or a romantic movie will spark selfish desires and wants for a relationship that I do not usually have. There is still so much I feel God has for me to do before I am in a serious relationship, but at the same time, He continues to give me the desire to be in one. I will never understand these emotions of mine fully, or how they work, and I feel like the safest route for me currently would be to stay focused on what is currently my life, and leave the future entirely to God, where it rightfully should be.

Live Like You Were Dying

So I went skydiving yesterday, for the second time, and it was amazing. Although the entire process took 4 hours, and it was about 110 degrees out, it was still an incredible experience, and one that I am quickly becoming addicted to! Yesterday was my Grandpa Larry's 75th birthday, and he said he would go skydiving with me! So, we made an appointment for 2:00 PM. When we got there, we signed all kinds of paperwork to ensure that we wouldn't sue the company or anything like that. Then began the waiting. I was thinking we would make our jump at about 3:30 or so, and I had told my Mom and other family members to arrive around 3 or 3:15 to be sure they didn't miss it. Well, to make a long story short, we did not jump until about 5:30. My Grandpa was actually fairly patient through the entire ordeal, which does not usually happen. It was such a fun experience this time, as opposed to New Zealand, because I had 10 people watching me on the ground who were all my relatives and could wave and cheer. Also, this time when I jumped out, my instructor did about 10 flips through our freefall, which made it much different and faster! It was so fun to be able to do something so unique and fun with my Grandpa. After the jump, we went out to eat at this mexican place nearby, and I became overcome with sadness. As I sat next to Cari, my sister, I was hit by the fact that I would no longer be seeing her everyday. After we ate, my Dad and I took off for Mammoth Lakes, after saying goodbye. My Mom and I actually ended on a good note, which is what I had been praying for all along. My aunt and uncle from New Zealand are staying here, and so we are here until tomorrow morning.
On the way up here last night, my Dad and I had a lot of time to talk. We talked a lot about my Mom and the problems that seem to come up and develop often. As we were talking, a reality hit me. My Mom is such a worrier that she runs her life and her decisions based on her fears. I never want to be like that, and my Mom will never figure out why that is. My Mom and I will never be able to fully understand each other. But as I was listening to my Dad, I realized that I want my life to be spontaneous and God-led. I want to do things like go to Europe, try opening a restaurant, move to a foreign country, learn how to skydive on my own, and countless other things. My Mom will never understand why I want to do all these things, but I think we have come to the point where we realize how different we are, and can accept it. I know God has not called me to have a normal, similar life. He has placed such a desire on my heart to do unique things, and go different places. I would love to be so connected with Christ that I know where He want me to go, and what He desires for me to do. I pray that I will be able to follow the desires and plans that God has for me. For now, I feel God is calling me to Chico, and I feel He has a lot He wants me to accomplish while I am in Chico. After that, I have so many desires that I don't even know how I will be able to sort through it, but I know God will help me!

Leaving Menifee

So today is my last day in Menifee, and I am both sad and excited. I am so excited to be back in Chico with my friends, and to have my best friend Amy moving up with me. I know God has a lot in store for me this upcoming year, and I am excited to start and see where He leads me! At the same time, I am sad to be leaving home. My sister and I have gotten so close this summer, and I know it will be hard on both of us to be apart for so long. Although my Mom and I have had a lot of difficult moments this summer, I feel like we are ending on a good note, which is what I hoped and prayed for. I went to the beach Wednesday with two of my longtime high school friends, and that was amazing. I got to talk to both of them and connect spiritually, and that is also what I had been praying for. So, in a lot of ways, I feel like this is a good time for me to transition from Menifee to Chico. God has taught me so much this summer, and although it has not been the most fun-filled or exciting time ever, I think it was necessary for my growth and development, both spiritually and physically. God has revealed Himself to me in ways that I never could have imagined, and I feel equipped and ready to start a new chapter of Chico life, one that will be guided and filled fully with Christ. 

Being with my family this summer has left me, as I said, with mixed emotions. I feel like a part of me cannot wait to be free of the strictness that is unavoidable when I am home with them, and have my own freedom. The other part of me is a bit scared to be completely on my own, 10 hours from home. This year will be so much easier for me, now that I have a strong friend base in Chico, but it is still the first time I will be completely self- sufficient. My parents gave me the money that was in my college fund, so now I am handling my finances completely too, which is a bit overwhelming. I guess this is what adulthood feels like, and although I am excited at the thought, there is a part of me that still wishes for the innocence of childhood. But, all good things must come to an end, and I am so ready for this next step in my life. The only thing I feel like I have left to do in Menifee is...SKYDIVING TODAY!!!!!! Woo hoo I am going skydiving with my Grandpa today for his 75th birthday and I am stoked! Please pray we have a safe jump!