Homesick, but for what?

As I write today, I feel like I need to be somewhere else. I feel as if God is calling me to be somewhere where I feel more comfortable, and like I can serve Him and not get into a daily routine and rut. Somedays, I feel as if God has called me to be here in Chico, and this is truly where I should be to be serving Him to the best of my ability. I need to learn how to serve Him anywhere I am before I go out and serve Him in the world around me. But then somedays, like today, I feel like so many trivial and miniscule things get in my way here. Like today, for instance, I woke up in a horrible mood because of problems with my roommates. I feel so left out of their lives, and their daily activities. They do so many things together, just the two of them, and it hurts me so much when they don't invite me to do those things with them. I feel as if they have their own little club and I am not part of it. But when I think about this, I always think that if I was truly serving God and had my focus on Him, these small things would not be such of a big deal to me. Why do I have to get so upset about these things? And then I launched into an entirely different thought process, where it was completely my fault, and the reasons they don't include me must have something to do with me, and I am the one to blame. Then I begin to feel insecure, and try to analyze what it is about me that I am not doing correctly. I can't figure it out, though, and it seems as though I have gone through this thought process a hundred times. I never really considered myself an incredibly sensitive person, but the more I analyze it, the more I think I am. Little things get to me, and the main problem, I have discovered, is that I hold in all my emotions and feelings until I am about to burst, and then they all come flooding out. When they do, the person I explode at is usually confused as to why I am so upset, and it seems as though I have blown it out of proportion, which I'm sure I have. I just wish that I could feel more secure with who I am, and not constantly analyze and try to figure out what I did wrong. When I am focusing so much on relationships and trying to be accepted and liked by those around me, my relationship with God is taking a beating. I can't be as close to Him if I constantly have things in the way that are bogging me down, like I do now. I have discovered that I need to try and get things off of my chest as they occur, and not wait until later on, when it is too late to be affective. Like today, for example, I was really hurt because my roommates decided to dress up for a CRU event that we had last night. It was Western themed, but they wanted to be different, which I think it awesome. I came home yesterday to find them making costumes. When I asked them what they were doing, they said no one could know, because it was a surprise. I was really hurt that they hadn't even asked to include me. Would it really have been so hard to ask if I wanted to be involved as well? It's things like that that have made my living environment not completely comfortable to me. I wish I could just come back to my apartment and feel completely accepted and loved, like at my house at home, but I don't. Most of the time, I avoid coming home because I feel alienated and alone when I am here. I would rather surround myself with people who are actually interested in hanging out with me, and including me. I have begun to wonder lately if my roommates chose to live with me out of obligation, or convenience. It is cheaper to have a 3 bedroom apartment, especially since my best friend from home lives here too. They probably felt bad that I wouldn't have a place to live if I didn't live with them. I feel the same way with my roommate who is getting married. I feel like she just asked me to be in her wedding because she asked our other roommate, and she didn't want to leave me out. We have not connected at all this year, and it makes me wonder so much about their motives for so many things. I just wish God could place me instantly in a new situation that would be easier to follow Him in. I am so sick of being so distracted by things of this earth, and not fully giving myself over to God. I know He has placed me here to overcome these issues, instead of avoid them, but I feel so tired of being the only one that cares. I am at the point now where I want someone else to be the one who puts effort into a relationship with me, not just me. I feel like I have been giving so much of myself to others, and getting so little in return. I need to take time to be filled up again, rejuvenated through Christ, and then I can overcome these things...