Sorry it has bee na while since I last had time to write! These past three weeks have been crazy, but in an incredibly good way! God has been opening so many doors, and I feel He is giving me energy I never knew that I had to accomplish the tasks He has placed in front of me. CRU began two weeks ago, and we are having our third meeting tonight. God has blessed us with a large group this year, and I pray that they will all continue to come, even as the weeks and months go by. Also, small groups have begun, which has opened up another door of business for me. Being a co-leader, I was asked to help make all of the new freshman and transfer students in CRU feel welcome, but especially in my own Bible study. There are about 20 girls, and I have had the opportunity to talk to all of them at one point or another. Now, I am trying to build and deepen relationships even more by askign them out for coffee, or lunch. It has been amazing, and such a growing experience for me so far, and I pray that it continues to be in the future as well.
Classes have been going extremely well also. I dropped one of the classes I was initially signed up for, which means that I am only enrolled in 14 units, which is the least I have ever taken. It is amazing though, and I have been blessed so far with only minimum amounts of homework. I am also enjoying the classes I am taking, which helps make them oh so much more bearable. God has definitely blessed me in allowing me not to have too much homework to occupy my evenings and weekends, which makes much more time for social events.
As far as spiritually, I feel I have been doing ok. Not as well as I would like to be doing, but I have definitely been feeling God moving. I have not put enough time and effort into making time for God daily, which is something I feel I need to do more of, but I am working daily to try and set aside more time. I find that if I do my devotion first thing in the morning, I am more productive and focused all day long. If I wait until night time, I am usually too tired, or just don't feel like putting my remaining time and energy into deciphering the Bible. I am so blessed, though, because God has allowed me to be part of CRU's discipleship this semester, which ivolves me have a Bible study weekly with the CRU female leaders. We have only had one meeting so far, but it was so refreshing, and I can tell it is going to be a much needed time when I can be filled up by those Godly women God has placed in my life. I am also glad because the group I am in is very small, there are only 2 of us and then the leaders, which I really enjoy. I find I can connect so much more, and on so much more of a deeper level when I am only surrounded with a few people, than if it was a larger group.
CRU, school, and work are taking up the majority of my time, but I have also had so many opportunities to have fun, go hiking, go jet skiing, hang out with friends, and countless other things. This year is beginning to seem like a repeat of last year, only better and more comfortable, since I feel establishes now and able to step out and follow where God is leading me this year. My only concern is that I am taking on too much, as always, but so far I have been ok. Thankfully, I am managing my time pretty well, and for that I feel so grateful! God is good, and He provides and meets all of our needs! Have a blessed day :0)

The First Week

(Friday 8/29) This has been an incredibly tiring, but also fulfilling first week of school for me. Both in a physical and spiritual sense, I feel like God has been teaching me so much, stretching me, and revealing His plan for me. Starting Sunday, I have been meeting the new members of CRU, mainly freshman and transfer students and getting to know them. I can't even count the number of people I have gone up to and started conversations with, and the entire process has been so tiring! It is definitely not my first instinct to go up to people I don't even know and act outgoing and friendly, and to keep a conversation going. God has definitely been giving me strength and the words to speak, because I would not have lasted very long on my own! I have always been so afraid and timid when it comes to talking to new people, but for some reason I have been feeling strangely at peace and excited even to talk new people. Conversation has been something I always considered a weakness, but I know now that God has other plans for me. Just today I was reading in Exodus 3 and 4, where Moses was sent by God to Egypt to free the Israelites. As I read his excuses when summoned by God, I was taken back by how similar they appeared to my own. With God all things are possible, and He desires to use any willing heart to serve Him. Moses felt he was ill-equipped for the task that God has given him, but he ended up being used by God to do miraculous things. I feel as if God has been breaking me down to realize that I can be used, and I desire to be used, and if I allow God to stretch and use me, He will. Yesterday, for example, I went to Jon and Bon's with some of the CRU leaders and new girls from CRU. Then after, Annemarie and I stayed downtown at the Farmer's Market. We decided earlier this week we wanted to begin evangelizing, so we started last night. We prayed before we started, and during our prayer a lady sat down next to us. We decided that this was a sign from God to talk to her, so we went over and started a conversation. After a few minutes, Annemarie brought up CRU, and then we jumped into the new kind of evangelism we are trying out. It involves asking the person if they think they are a good person, then asking the person if they think they are a good person, then asking if we can judge that based on the Ten Commandments. After this, we asked if they think, based on their answer, that they're going to heaven. The story of Jesus comes in next. The first lady we talked to said no to the Ten Commandments question, but we still spent a few minutes chatting with her about the Bible and God. Then, we went to talk to another girl. It was now my turn to bring up CRU into the conversation. At first, I was nervous and stumbled over my words, a bit, but then I suddenly felt this change inside of me, and it was as if God was talking over, I don't even remember what I said, but I kept talking and asking questions. She seemed interested and even said she would try and come to CRU. After we left, I was filled with such joy of the Lord! I have never felt such a joyful feeling, and I felt as if this was what I was made for. God called us to tell others about Him, and the feeling it gave me was indescribable. God has been calling me to tell others about His name my entire Christian life, but only now did I fully try and listen and answer His call. I pray that yesterday would have been a turning point for me, and from now on I would feel overwhelmed by my strong desire to serve Him.

Restoring the Old Testament

For as long as I can remember, I have enjoyed reading the New Testament. I feel like it can be applied so easily to my life, and I can gather so much wisdom and knowledge for my daily life from its pages. The Old Testament, however, is like another book altogether. Every time I attempt to read it, I am lost and confused, and unsure of how it can be applicable to my life. The other day, though, I started to read Numbers, because for the past few months I have been convicted to start reading the Old Testament once again. I read through Genesis, and I was amazed at how much I learned! I had heard the stories of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Joseph countless times, but reading about all the details was much more insightful and helpful. Then, I decided to begin reading Numbers with a friend of mine, and as we were reading it, I was amazed at the details inside of its chapters. We read chapters 1 and 2, which were about the 12 tribes of Israel. I had never really thought about or studied the tribes before, but as I was reading about them, and taking in the details written, I was overcome with awe and amazement. A picture so clear came into my head that I was overwhelmed by the details of it. In Numbers, it says that the 12 tribes of Israel were camped next to Mt. Sinai after they were delivered from Egypt. They totaled 603,550 men over the age of 20. That is only men, not including children or women, or men who did not fight in the wars. For some reason, whenever I had thought about this story, I had pictured 23 tribes of about 50 to 100 people each, all camped out near each other. I never grasped the concept of that large of a group gathered together, being led through the desert by God and having the Ten Commandments delivered to them by Moses. No wonder God divided them into 12 different tribes! A group of that size would have been impossible to manage in one group. After reading these chapters, I began to think about all the other amazing stories in the Bible, and they became even more unbelievable before my eyes. I pictured millions of people being led out of Egypt, which would have later become these 12 tribes. I pictured the magnificent Ark after Noah had built it to fit 2 of each animal on the entire earth. Just because these events happened in Biblical times does not mean that the groups of people involved were small and insignificant. God was performing miracles, and He wanted as many people as possible to see them and come to believe in Him. I am so thankful that God gave me this amazing picture, and helped make the Old Testament real to me once again.

The New Covenant of Christ

This morning, I was reading chapter 8 of Hebrews, and it is an amazing chapter! In it, God describes the old and new covenants He made with His people. I had never really understood how different they were, until now. The old covenant was a list of rules and regulations used to guide the people of Israel, and to instruct them in how God wanted them to behave. The new covenant is an internal one, where God places the Holy Spirit inside of us, and it guides us to do what God desires for us to do. In reading this, I discovered several prominent changes between the old and new covenants. In the old covenant, for example, sacrifices were made by the people for their sins. Now, however, Christ sacrificed Himself so that we no longer have to sacrifice. The old covenant also focused on a physical building as the main holy place to enter into the presence of God, but now Christ reigns in each of our hearts. External standards and rules were the foundation of the old covenant, but in the new covenant, internal standards, and a new heart are what guides us. Forgiveness was earned in the old covenant, ad now it is given freely through Christ. Also, in the old covenant, only some were allowed to enter, strictly those who were not Gentiles. But now, God allows anyone and everyone to enter into His Kingdom. The change that sticks out the most to me, however, is the access to God that is available to us. In the old covenant, only the high priests were allowed to communicate with God, and even then it had to be in a very specific way. Now, we are all allowed to communicate with Christ, anywhere and anytime. How amazing is that!

After reading this chapter, I was struck by how thankful and blessed I am to be living in the time of the new covenant. I get to choose whether or not to accept Christ, and follow Him, and when I do, I a blessed with the Holy Spirit in return! What an incredible gift God grants to us. I think about all the people I have read about in the Old Testament, and I am mystified by how they serve and follow the Lord. I am always incredulous that they do not believe in God, time and time again, even though miracles are occuring all around them! It seems like a no brainer to me when, for example, a cloud is leading you by day out of Egypt, and a flame by night, that it is God, but the Israelites continued to falter. As I think more deeply about it, however, I realize that they did not have the Holy Spirit in them, telling them that it truly was God. I didn't realize how amazing the Holy Spirit really is until now. Without it, believing in Christ and His death and resurrection would simply be another theory that is thrown around, and people would search for the truth based on facts, and not faith. I am thankful that I do not have to search any longer, and that God has granted me the Holy Spirit through the new covenant He has made with all of His creations. He has truly written His laws in my mind and on my heart. If you are wondering what is so amazing about Christ's covenant, check it out in Hebrews 8: 7-12, and also in Jeremiah 31:31-34. Have a blessed day!

Contentment

I discovered today there is a difference between being content and being complacent. God tells us over and over again not to be complacent, or stuck in where we are. He wants us to branch out and find new things, try new things, and take chances for His sake. But, I think He also wants us to be content with where He has us currently in our lives. That is definitely something I struggle with often, and today I feel frusturated by it. For example, when I was home with my family, I wanted to be in Chico, and now that I've been in Chico for a little while, I want to be back home again. I feel like I should be able to be content and happy wherever God places me, but it is much harder for me to do than I imagined it would be. I feel like I am always seeking and searching for what I don't have, and I am sick of it. I want God to be in control of my life completely, and I want to feel full confidence in what He is doing in my life.
Relationship wise, for example, I have always been a bit challenged. When I begin to have feelings for someone, I get excited and want to spend time with them get to know them, and have me like them back. But as soon as I feel that they do in fact feel the same way, my feelings change, and it is no longer a chase, or a challenge. Up until recently, that had happened several times for me, but now I see the opposite way as well. If someone I like shows interest, and then begins to show a lack of interest once again, then I am once again intrigued and challenged. I don't think this is the way God wanted relationships to be, and I have been praying earnestly that He would change my views of this, and help me to be able to realize a healthy relationship when one comes my way.
I know this process of being content with what God has blessed me with, but still keeping myself from becoming complacent in my faith will be a process that takes time. God is faithful, however, and I am sure that He will guide me and help me find a perfect balance in this area, as in all others in my life. Until then, I pray I would not ruin relationships or anything else along the way!

Anticipation

As I sit in my apartment tonight, I feel unsettled. Not physically so. When you look around our apartment, it is actually really cute and homey, and I feel completely comfortable in it. When I say unsettled, I mean as far as my heart goes. Tonight, I spent about 2 1/2 hours listening to one of my good friends up here talk about her recent trip to El Salvador, and I couldn't help but feel jealous, and it sparked all kinds of emotions and thoughts within me. Yes, I know God desires for me to be here in Chico in this time of my life, but I also can't help but feel that He desires so much more for me than this normal life. I have spent my whole life dreaming of the crazy and exciting things I want to do for Him, but now when I am at the age where I could realistically be doing them, I am choosing not to. The whole idea of being here in Chico for years to come, or even in California for that matter, scares me. I don't want to settle down in one area and be complacent with it. I want to move and see the world, experience new places and adventures, and come to rely fully on Christ. It is so easy for me to get used to my routine, and stay where I am in both my relationships with other people, and in my relationship with God. I lose my drive and energy, and life becomes unappealing. Already, I feel as if Chico has lost a but if its appeal to me, just because it isn't new and different anymore. I feel as if I am limiting myself, and God, by staying here and not branching out. Although I am going to stay in Chico another three semesters, God willing, I know I need to continue to take steps for God. I need to reach out and deepen relationships with those around me, and make a conscious effort to keep my relationship with Christ alive and growing as well. This past week, I have felt so comfortable just going through daily life, having casual conversations with friends, skimming my Bible, and praying occasionally. That is definitely not a pattern I wish to continue. God desires so much more for me, and all I need to do is find the passion within myself that is so easily lost. It is still there, beneath the surface, waiting to be awakened once again, though the Holy Spirit living in me. I pray tonight that God would mold and teach me how to be fully awake through Him.

Beautiful Day

Today definitely was a beautiful day. Some friends and I decided to go to Bear Hole in upper Bidwell park for part of the afternoon, and it was amazing. Not only was there a surplus of rocks to jump off of into the creek, we also ended up having a Bible study and prayer session. Being outdoors in God's creations, reading His Word and praying for my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ was an amazing feeling. God definitely is stirring up new desires in me to make the most of every opportunity that presents itself to me. God wants us to do all for His glory, and today I feel like I did. It could have just been a fun time to hang out with my friends at the creek, go swimming and talk about nothing in particular, but instead, we turned it into a time that strengthened all of us, both in our relationships with Christ and with each other. This is a very unique time in our lives when we have time to do things like this, and time to sit around and talk abut God. When I thought about college, I always pictured people sitting around having great philosophical discussions, but now that I am submerged in a college atmosphere, I want to look back and say I had amazing spiritual discussions with people close to me, and also that I shared my faith with those around me. God does not call us only to have meaningless and comfortable friendships with those around us, but to truly know the heart of our friends, their struggles and joys, problems and triumphs, and be able to pray and read the Bible with them through eery circumstance. This is truly what I want for the upcoming year. I want my friends to know they can turn to me with any problem that arises, and I will be there. God has called us to be brothers and sisters in Christ, and I think of that as a duty to one another, to grow and to love. I pray God will continue to fill me with these desires, and that I will be able to pass them on to others. For now, I pray I will have many days like today, where an ordinary day can turn into a beautiful day :0)